


Healing

by Gwenhwyfar1984



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance, Swearing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2015-06-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 22:26:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4155282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwenhwyfar1984/pseuds/Gwenhwyfar1984
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caring for the newest resident of the prison community brings Daryl and Carol closer, and forces Carol to face her past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The Walking Dead is the property of AMC Studios, Circle of Confusion, Darkwood Productions, Valhalla Motion Pictures and possibly other large companies. I am in no way connected to these companies. I Do Not Own.
> 
> Beta Read by Lynn Saunders.
> 
> Written for Livejournal community Heroine Big Bang's Round Three.
> 
> Also posted on Nine Lives Caryl fanfiction archive.
> 
> This fanfic diverges from canon three months before season 4. Then everything changes, including some characterizations.

The woman was terrified beyond speaking when the run team brought her in. Clutching a filthy, torn blanket around her body, she huddled against the car and surveyed her surroundings. The inhabitants of the prison watched her carefully, but didn’t approach. A lot of them had been in similar situations, and knew exactly how she felt.  
  
Nodding at Hershel to join her, Carol slowly approached the team. Glenn met them halfway to the car.

“Uh…this is a tricky situation,” he began.

“What happened?” Carol asked, watching the woman. Daryl was quietly speaking to her.

“We found her in a house. She was alone and…” Glenn trailed off. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Glancing back at the woman, he wrinkled his forehead.

“But you trusted her enough to bring her here? She answered the three questions, right?” Hershel asked. His voice was gentle, but his expression had grown stern. He crossed his arms, and Glenn winced.

“No… We felt that this was a special case,” Glenn replied carefully.

Carol frowned at Glenn. There were no exceptions to the rule. A person either answered the questions or they didn’t get to join the community. It was one of the only ways to ensure that only good people entered the community.

“Why?” Hershel asked.

Glenn didn’t have to answer, because at that moment Daryl and the woman came around the car, and everyone could see that the blanket barely covered a very large pregnant belly.

“Her name’s Brenda. That’s pretty much all we could get out of her.”

Carol exhaled and nodded. “Alright.” She looked at Hershel, who agreed. “She should still have an escort at all times until we get to know more about her.”

“Agreed,” Hershel said.

“She’s massively pregnant,” Glenn exclaimed.

“Exactly.” Carol didn’t elaborate, knowing that they would not understand. They couldn’t understand the fierce instinct to protect your child no matter what. “I’ll keep an eye on her as much as I can. She might do better with a woman.”  
Carol slowly approached Daryl and Brenda. Brenda saw her and cowered back.

“It’s ok. This is Carol,” Daryl quietly told Brenda.

“Welcome.” Carol paused and tilted her head. “What sounds better? Food, a shower and clean clothes, or sleep?”

Brenda looked at the ground and then spoke. “I’d really like to be clean.”

“Alright. Follow me.”  
  
Carol stopped in storage, gathering together clothes that should fit and toiletries. In the empty showers, she handed Brenda the bag. “Here you go. The water’s not hot, but it gets you clean. Here’s your towel.” Brenda looked between it and the shower in wonder. She didn’t seem to know what to say. “I’ll be over by the door.” At Brenda’s frown, she crossed her arms. “I can’t let you be alone. You’ll have privacy though.”

Brenda nodded and pulled the curtain. A few moments later, the water turned on. After the shower, Carol led Brenda outside to the barbeque. Patrick had taken over dinner duty, and a lot of people had been served with little problem. He eagerly handed Carol two bowls of food.

“I put a little extra in because…” He nodded towards Brenda’s belly. “I hope I didn’t overstep.”

Carol gave him a reassuring smile. “It’s fine, Patrick. Clean up for me?”

Patrick nodded and went in search of the cleaning supplies. Carol sat then at an empty table and set the food in front of Brenda. The woman eyed the food and picked up a piece of meat.

“It’s deer. Daryl got one yesterday.”

“It’s just that…I haven’t really had meat in a while.” Brenda picked up her fork and hesitantly took a bite. She smiled and started to eat with barely held restraint. After a few bites, she stopped and placed a hand on her belly. She took some deep breaths and smiled, embarrassed. “Sorry. She kicks when I eat.”

Carol twisted a sliver of onion around her fork. Sophia had done the same. “She?”

Brenda looked down and seemed to pull into herself. “I hope it’s a girl. I don’t want a boy.”

Carol left the comment alone and let the woman eat in peace. After they were finished and she made sure that Patrick had done a good enough job cleaning, she took Brenda to D Block. Everybody was getting ready to turn in, so it was a little hectic. Kids were running around, the last bit of energy needing to be released. People were talking and laughing. It was a merry atmosphere. 

Brenda had pushed back against the bars to the entrance, obviously overwhelmed by it all. “I…I…” Brenda stammered.

Carol sighed and nodded. “Alright. Follow me.”  
  
When they got outside, Brenda stopped walking. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be ungrateful. I don’t want any special treatment. It’s just that…I’ve been alone for seven months.”

“It’s alright.” Carol led them to C Block. “I understand. That block can be a little overwhelming. Stay here. I’ll go talk to the others.” She motioned to Hershel, Glenn, Daryl, and Rick. Even though Rick was not on the council, his children were in the block, and he should have a say.

“I took her to D Block. It didn’t go well. I don’t think she can handle it.”

Glenn and Daryl nodded. “She’s been out there alone for a long time. It’s not surprising.” Glenn agreed.

“This stress is not good for her. I think she’ll go into labor any day. I’d suggest Dr. S take a look at her but—“ Carol broke off.

“There’s no way,” Daryl stated firmly.

“I think she’d do better here, but I’m not making that decision for everyone.” She looked at Rick.

Rick seemed to think about it and then nodded. “I have to meet her.”  
  
The meeting went well. Rick was cautious but determined. He asked her the three questions. How many walkers? At least ten. How many humans? None. Why? She tried to keep away from people. Rick studied her and finally gave his opinion. She could stay in C Block, but only if she roomed with Carol. Brenda seemed fine with this, and although Carol didn’t like the idea of giving up her privacy, she understood the reasoning.

“This is a nice room,” Brenda told her, looking around.

Carol hadn’t done as much decorating as some of her group mates, but she had added a small table where she placed a few of her favorite books. Brenda ran a finger over the spines. Carol preferred humorous fantasy when she read. The toilet and sink had been covered with shelves, creating more storage for her clothes and other necessities. On the walls she had hung some posters of tropical beaches and pretty flowers.

“Thank you. I tried. Here, let me move my stuff to the top.”

“Oh no, I don’t want—“

Carol looked pointedly at Brenda’s belly. “You can climb up there?”

“Probably not.”  
  
It took some rearranging, but Carol moved her bedding to the top bunk. Beth brought some clean sheets and blankets for Brenda, who set about making her bed. She was tucking in the blanket when she spoke.

“Nobody’s asked.”

Carol climbed up onto her bunk and started to unlace her boots. “If you have something that can help us, we ask that you say so. Otherwise, it’s up to you.” She lay back on top of the blankets and sighed, one hand tucked behind her head. “This is a chance to start over.”

It was quiet, and Carol thought that Brenda had fallen asleep, when she heard gasps and then quiet sobbing. “I can’t start over.”

Carol leaned over the edge of her bunk. “You can. Terrible things have happened to all of us. It can’t be forgotten, but it can be used to make us stronger.”

“I’m not strong. I’m weak. That’s how…” Brenda stopped crying and sniffed. After a moment she spoke in a voice that quickly lost all emotion. “My husband got bit. He left me so that he wouldn’t hurt me. I tried to stay where I was, but ran out of supplies. I went in search and found some men. One of them protected me in exchange for…” Brenda shuddered, and Carol stayed very still, not wanting to hear, but knowing that Brenda needed to say it. “I had food, shelter. I stayed because of those things. I was scared to be alone. I got pregnant. When he found out, he kicked me out.” Brenda pulled away and looked Carol in the eyes for the first time. “I will not be used like that again.”

“Nobody here will even attempt to. We do not allow that. I know you don’t believe it, but you are safe here.” She didn’t address Brenda’s story. There was nothing to say. No words could offer any comfort, and she wasn’t about to condemn the woman for doing what she had to in order to live. She was the last person to condemn somebody for something like that.

“Why don’t you get some rest? You need it.”

Brenda looked grateful that the discussion wasn’t going to be pursued. She wiped her face. “What am I going to be doing tomorrow?”

“Resting. Healing. It’s what you need.”

Brenda nodded and climbed under the blankets.  
  
Carol left the cell and climbed down a few steps, sitting in the middle of the stairwell. She ran her hands over her face and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

“Hey,” Daryl greeted, climbing up from the ground level. He leaned against the rail.

“Hey.”

“How’s she doing?”

“Better. She’s probably deep asleep now.” Carol paused. “She told me her story. It’s good that you brought her here.” She trailed off, letting the silence speak for itself.

He nodded and didn’t ask for an elaboration. “You doing ok?”

Carol nodded and stood up. “Yeah. I’m going show her around tomorrow. Maybe try and convince her to let Dr. S take a look at her. I think she’s full term.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he told her quietly. “How’re you doing with this?”

She smiled slightly, grateful for his concern, even though she wasn’t the one who needed it. “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
  
It felt like she had just fallen asleep when she heard a groan. Opening her eyes and reaching for her knife, she sat up and listened. It was coming from Brenda. Carol sighed. The poor woman was having a nightmare. She settled back down and pulled the blanket tighter over her shoulders. There was nothing that could be done. Everybody had nightmares, especially when they had first arrived. The constant running had kept them at bay. Out there, it wasn’t wise to reach true, deep sleep. Now…now there wasn’t any choice. Brenda would have to face her demons and figure out how to move past them. Everybody else had.  
  
The next morning, Brenda was more subdued than usual. She picked at her food and was restless. Her hand kept moving to the small of her back. Carol felt sympathy, remembering the back pain of near-term pregnancy.

“Not hungry?”

Brenda shook her head. “No. I’m sorry. I’m not ungrateful, I’m just—” She placed her hand over her belly. “—not feeling well.”

“We can save it for later.”

Brenda pushed the plate away. “As long as it doesn’t go to waste.”

“It won’t. Do you wanna go lay down?” She narrowed her eyes at the woman, a suspicion beginning to form in her mind.

“I think that would be a good idea.” Brenda stood up and paused, placing her hand on her stomach and taking deep breaths. She winced and gripped the edge of the table.

“Brenda, are you in pain?"

“Yes.”

“How long?”

“Off and on since the middle of the night.”

So it might not have been a nightmare after all. “I think you need to come with me. We have a doctor.”

“I don’t need—“

Carol stood and started to escort Brenda away. She resisted for a moment, but allowed herself to be led away.


	2. Chapter 2

Brenda was indeed in labor. Dr. S. tried to examine her, but Brenda banned him from the room. Carol was left to oversee the labor and delivery. Dr. S. called on a woman who had been a labor and delivery nurse to assist her. Brenda was uneasy, but a lot calmer when the doctor left the room.

 

After Brenda allowed them to get her into a loose-fitting nightgown, she grabbed Carol’s hand. “Thank you for being here. I don’t want to be alone. I can’t do this alone.”

Carol patted her hand, unsure of what to say.

 

_As Carol walked through the emergency room doors, the nurse took one look at her and motioned for a wheelchair to take her upstairs._

_“Ma’am, do you need me to call anyone?” the nurse asked as she walked next to the chair._

_“My husband, please,” She told her. They entered the elevator, and she bit her lip as another contraction pierced her body. When she was able to speak, she gave the nurse Ed’s number._

_After being given a room and examined, she was left alone. It was completely silent except for the beep of the monitors. She tried not to cry. Where was Ed? She didn’t want to do this alone._

 

“I’ll be here through the whole thing. I promise,” she reassured the terrified woman.

Brenda nodded and whimpered. “I don’t feel right. Can I lie down now?”

The nurse, Sarah, shook her head. “You’re in active labor, honey. Walking will make it go faster.” Sarah looked at Carol. “I should examine her.”

Brenda’s eyes widened with panic. Carol rubbed her shoulder. “It’s ok. Let Sarah do her job.”

Brenda nodded, and Carol went to the doorway. Dr. S. was waiting outside.

“Sarah has been through this hundreds of times, so I trust her to help you. But Carol, if something goes wrong…”

“Hershel trained me on the basics, and I know how to do a C-section.” Hopefully if that happened Brenda would allow Dr. S. to help her. Carol’s only experience was on a walker. “She won’t allow you to touch her. Frankly, I don’t blame her.”

He nodded. “I know.” He didn’t really say anything else because they both knew what would happen if things went horribly wrong.

 

“She’s seven centimeters,” Sarah reported, once again leading Brenda in laps around the room.

“Good! Almost there.” Carol forced cheerfulness and went to the counter to sterilize her hands.

“How long will it take?” Brenda asked tiredly. Sweat was starting to glisten on her face, and Carol knew it wasn’t only from the heat. “I feel really bad.”

“It takes as long as it takes.”

“I’m gonna die.”

“What? Honey you’re not—“ Sarah began.

“Stop.” Carol ordered Sarah. “We can’t promise that anymore.”

“Then promise that if it comes to it, you will save my baby. I love her.” Brenda burst into tears. “I shouldn’t, but I do! Don’t let me hurt her!”

Carol’s heart constricted before she hardened herself. In addition to being back to primitive birthing conditions, there was now the added fear of becoming a walker and killing your own child.

What kind of world was that to be born into?

Carol took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. “You are one of us now, and we don’t let our own turn.”

 

_He wasn’t coming. She couldn’t believe it. Ed wasn’t coming. She knew why, of course._

_In the beginning, finding out that she was pregnant had been a wonderful thing. They had wanted this baby for so long. He had been excited and went out and bought baby boy outfits and a World’s Best Dad coffee mug._

_Then during an ultrasound, they found out the baby’s gender. At first Ed hadn’t believed it, because in his mind it couldn’t be anything but a boy._

_He began to pull away after that. The interest and excitement over the pregnancy faded into what could be called contempt. He accused her at failing at her job. He was changing from the Ed she had married into something else._

_For her, her love for the baby had been growing stronger every day._

_Even now when she was in so much pain._

 

“Make it stop!” Brenda cried as gripped the table. She had long since stopped pacing, and was instead swaying, clutching at the table. Sarah stood on her other side and helped Carol support the laboring woman as needed.

“It’ll be over. I promise. This isn’t forever.” Carol reminded her. “Now breathe.”

“Go to hell. You don’t know what this feels like. Breathing doesn’t help.”

Carol wiped the sweat-soaked hair off the woman’s forehead. “Yes, I do,” she replied simply. Sarah looked at her over Brenda’s bent head in understanding. These days, you didn’t need the story about why someone’s child was no longer with them. “It might not help, but you passing out from lack of air won’t help either.”

Brenda swore, but evened her breathing. Sarah looked at Carol again and nodded. It was almost time for the delivery.

“Why don’t we get you up onto the table and try a little pushing, ok?” Sarah asked. “That sound good?”

Brenda nodded and let the women help her up onto the table. Sarah examined her and reported that she was ready.

“Pushing is good, right? Pushing means it is almost over?” Brenda sounded so desperate and in pain.

“Yes.” Carol got into position. “Then you can finally hold your baby.”

 

_They placed the squirming, wailing newborn in her arms, and she couldn’t help but be amazed. She was all red and wrinkly, and still partially covered in goo, but none of that mattered. All she could see was perfection. She had done this. She had grown her and kept her safe and brought her into this world._

 

“Come on, Brenda. Let’s get this baby born.”

Brenda took a deep breath—

—and everything went to hell.

Carol was so shocked that she jumped back when Brenda suddenly began to have a violent seizure. Sarah yelled for Dr. S, who swore when he saw the woman.

He seemed to know immediately what was going on. Pushing Carol out of the way, he took over and said that they needed to get the baby delivered immediately. He asked for magnesium sulfate, but of course they didn’t have it.

Brenda had stopped seizing and was sobbing. “Please help me.” Her fear of what was happening seemed to have overridden her fear of the doctor.

“Do we have any local anesthetic?” Dr. S asked.

After what happened to Lori and Hershel, they had stocked up on what they could. Carol hurried to get it, relieved that she could actually do something, and the doctor administered it. She stood by Brenda’s head trying to sooth the woman, all the while feeling helpless. She reached out and took Brenda’s hand. It didn’t matter that it was sweaty and shaking. All that mattered was that for a moment it distracted the laboring woman from what was going on.

 

Dr. S and Sarah performed a C-section, and the baby was delivered. Sarah cut the cord and cleaned the baby up before placing it in Carol’s waiting arms.

“Can I see it?” Brenda weakly asked. Carol moved to Brenda’s head and showed her the newborn. “What is it?”

“A girl, like you wanted.” Carol reported, relieved that she could give Brenda some good news. Brenda’s skin was pale, and she looked so weak.

“Good. Please take her.”

“What?”

“Please…Raise her. She’s yours. Don’t tell her how she came to be. Just…tell her that I love her. Promise?” Carol opened her mouth to protest. “Promise?”

Carol looked over at Dr. S and Sarah, both of whom were elbow-deep in blood. There was no way that Brenda would survive. The baby would be orphaned. An orphan had no chance of survival in this world. The baby was squirming and crying in her arms, and she lifted it so that it rested over her heart. Her lips felt numb as she nodded. “I promise.”

Brenda was about to say something more but started seizing again. Carol took a few steps back and watched, heartbroken as, despite Dr. S’s efforts, Brenda died.

 

As Sarah placed a sheet over Brenda, the doctor furiously washed his hands in the basin.

“Multi-organ failure." He explained. “I suspect eclampsia. Nothing we could do.” He finished washing and reached for the baby. Carol handed it over to him, and he carefully examined it.

Behind her she heard rustling. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Sarah pulling a bloody knife from under the sheet. In a touching gesture, Sarah placed her hand on the top of Brenda’s head.

Peeking out from underneath the sheet was some of Brenda’s long, brown hair. For some reason, Carol noticed that it didn’t have a speck of grey in it. Of course it wouldn’t. 

Brenda had seemed to be 26. 27 at most.

27 and she was dead. Not by walkers, but by a medical condition that a year ago could have been cured.

“She seems healthy,” Dr. S informed Carol, drawing her attention back to the baby. He wrapped it up and handed it to her. “Keep an eye on her and let me know if you see anything. I’ll check her again in a few days.”

 

Carol nodded and clutched the crying newborn to her chest. Turning, she left the infirmary, her steps speeding up as she walked. She was surprised to look out the windows and see that it was dark.

Looking down at the baby, her chest felt tight and her heart began to pound. Its face was wrinkled and bright red from crying. She needed calm it down, but for some reason couldn’t figure out how. Her brain seemed fuzzy, and the only coherent thought was to get to C Block.

 

Her group was there, carrying out simple tasks before settling down for the night. Maggie and Beth were sitting with Hershel and had grins on their faces about something. 

Rick was saying something to Carl and spotted her. She stopped near the stairs, and everybody stopped talking as the crying baby drew their attention. Glenn shook his head and turned away, immediately knowing what had happened.

Rick was the first one to approach her. “Carol?”

Now the questions would come. She wasn’t ready for questions. Just the thought of having to talk about it made her eyes tear up.

Rick reached out as though to take the baby. She held it tighter and took a step back. “No.”

“Ok.” He looked back at the group. She hated the way everyone was staring at her in worry and pity. “How can we help? What do you need?”

What did she need? She needed to get away from people staring. She needed to get somewhere where she didn’t have to act like it wasn’t bothering her. She needed… “Where’s Daryl?” She asked calmly, surprising herself.

Probably disturbed by the high-pitched wail of the newborn, Daryl poked his head out of his cell. He took in the scene, stepped onto the walkway, and motioned to her with his head. Without another word to Rick, she headed up the stairs.

 

He sat Carol down on the bed and moved to take the baby from her. She almost resisted, but handed it over.

He didn’t ask what had happened, something she was grateful for. Instead, he softly talked to the baby as Carol calmed down.

She looked down at her hands and saw that they were still filthy. Daryl motioned to the sink, where there was a container of water, soap, and a cloth. She cleaned her hands, fighting the tears but losing. She threw down the bar of soap and gripped the sink, allowing herself the moment of weakness. Her body was wracked with sobs, and she let go of the cool metal. She wrapped her arms around her middle and leaned over.

This was just like Lori. This was yet another woman she had failed.

When the tears stopped, she wiped her face and hands, cleared her throat, and turned back around.

Daryl was sitting on the bed with the now-quiet baby. He didn’t say anything about Carol’s brief breakdown, but she saw him quickly look her over as though assessing her condition. “What’s going to happen to it?”

“Her. She’s a girl.” Carol sat down next to Daryl. “I promised to take her.”

“What?”

“She asked me to raise her.” The anxiety flared up once again, and Carol took a deep breath. “I couldn’t say no. She was dying. How do you say no to a dying mother?”

He seemed to accept the answer. “She have a name?”

“There was no time. Do you have any ideas?”

He looked surprised. “Me?”

“I can’t think, Daryl,” she admitted. “And she shouldn’t end this day unnamed.”

He was silent for a while. “I always liked the name Abigail,” he muttered.

She took the baby from him and looked at it. It yawned and briefly opened its eyes. She wrapped it tighter in the towel. “Your name is Abigail.”

 

_Carol held the newborn close as she nursed. She smiled down at the golden hair and tiny features._

_“Sophia. Your name is Sophia,” She whispered._


	3. Chapter 3

Carol knew that she should talk to Rick and the rest of the group. Her decision was going to affect everyone. She was so tired, however, that Daryl had her go right to her cell. He joined her a few minutes later with a box for the baby to sleep in, a bottle of formula, and some clothes, including a few diapers.

“Where—“

“Rick. Clothes don’t fit Lil’ Asskicker anymore.”

Carol cleaned and dressed the baby. She reached for the bottle, but Daryl shook his head.

“I got it.” He took Abigail and motioned Carol to her bunk. “Go ahead.”

“No, she’s my—“

Daryl turned slightly away from her and started to feed the newborn. The baby took to the bottle eagerly. “I got it. You’ve been up for a whole day.”

“What?” It hadn’t seemed like Brenda had been in labor that long. After switching her bedding to the bottom bunk, Carol reluctantly took off her boots and laid down. The minute she was in a more prone position, the exhaustion overtook her. “She’s not your responsibility,” she protested weakly.

He just shrugged, his attention on the baby. He was gazing at it, a tiny smile on his face. She had never seen him like that. It caused a fluttery feeling to flare in her chest. It was familiar; she had felt it many times before, and she quickly squashed it. He was just being nice.  Moving her legs back against the wall, she yawned. “Then sit down at least.”

He looked unsure, but sat on the edge of the bunk. “Hungry.”

“Yeah, she is.” She tried to fight the exhaustion. It would be rude to fall asleep with him here. Eventually her eyes closed, sleep taking over.  
  
A loud wailing awoke Carol the next morning. She lifted her head and saw Abigail in a box on the floor next to her head. Noticing the light filtering through the curtain, she realized that it was morning. The baby was a newborn. She should have been woken at least three times last night.

“Damn it, Daryl,” she muttered. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she picked the baby up. After changing the diaper—which made Abigail even unhappier—she gently rocked her. “You’re probably hungry, aren’t you?”  
  
Upon exiting her cell, she found the block mostly deserted. That wasn’t good. Most of the time she was up before everybody else to prepare breakfast. She hurried down the stairs and found Beth and Judith.

Beth smiled at her and handed her a bottle. “Good morning.”

Carol frowned at the bottle. “That’s Judith’s formula.”

“It’s both of theirs now. Besides, Judith should learn to share. I sorted through her things and have a stack of newborn clothes for you.”

Carol leaned against the wall, feeding Abigail. “What about Rick?”

“It was his idea. And don’t worry about breakfast. Patrick made it and saved you a bowl.” Beth leaned over and looked at Abigail. “She’s adorable.”

“Why didn’t anybody wake me?”

Beth shrugged and set Judith on a blanket. There were some red plastic cups that Judith immediately grabbed. “You needed your sleep. We all know what happened, so we agreed.” She smiled. “Daryl even had her in his cell so you could sleep through the night.”

That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Abigail was her responsibility. She had promised to raise her, not anybody else. And now the baby was keeping Daryl up at night and taking Judith’s supplies.

“Was Brenda buried?” Carol asked quietly.

Beth’s smile disappeared. “Last night. Glenn took care of it. Carol? Why don’t I take her for a minute, and you can go shower and change?”

“You have Judith.”

“She’s fine. She loves those cups. I can watch both for a little while.”

A shower and clean clothes sounded really nice. “Ten minutes. You have enough to do with Judith. Abigail’s mine to care for.”

Beth just nodded and took the infant.  
  
Carol hurried through her shower and change. When she returned to the cell block, she saw that Beth was on the blanket with the babies. “No, she’s too little. She’ll play in a few months, ok?”

Beth looked up and saw Carol. “I think they’ll be friends.”

“I hope so.” She knelt to pick Abigail up and saw that the baby was asleep. “Well…”

Beth laughed. “She’s really good.”

Carol knew that waking a sleeping newborn was never a good idea. But it wasn’t fair for Beth to be left to watch her.

“She’ll be fine here. Not much to care for while she’s asleep. You have things to do. Why don’t I bring her to you when she wakes up?”

She did have to check and see that the grill had been properly cleaned. And go through the supplies to inventory. Plus, there was supervising the laundry, and then making dinner...

“Alright.” She sighed. “Bring her to me as soon as she wakes, ok? I don’t want you to have to watch her. She’s mine.”

Beth nodded. “I will.”  
  
Beth didn’t return the baby until after dinner. She acted innocent and said that Abigail had slept the whole day away. Carol just shook her head and vowed that she would not leave her with Beth the next day. She didn’t like to admit that being able to do her work and not think about a baby was nice. She had been relieved that Rick had taken back primary care for Judith. It wouldn’t happen again.  
  
After the outdoor cafeteria had been cleared out and the community was winding down, Carol sat on a bench and enjoyed the cooling air. The sun was setting, but it wasn’t dark. She glanced towards the gate, but the run team wasn’t back yet.  
“They should be back soon,” she muttered to the infant in her arms. “They will be back soon.”

Abigail yawned and opened her eyes, briefly gazing at Carol before closing them again. They were a blue that would probably lighten as she got older. Her hair was brown and curly.

As she held the baby, she felt a slight sense of panic deep inside. Could she really do this again? Judith had been different. She and Beth had taken care of Judith during the first month of her life, but they had both known that eventually Rick would regain his sanity. It had only been temporary.

This was permanent. Abigail was her responsibility for the rest of her life…however long that would be. She would make sure that Abigail outlived her. The baby snuffled, and Carol lightly kissed the top of her head before setting her against her shoulder.  
  
The sound of a car caught her attention, and she stood and looked towards the gate. It was the run team. Carol slowly walked towards the car to greet them.

“Successful?”

Glenn grinned as he opened the back of the car. “Very.”

Daryl got out and slung his crossbow over his shoulder. “Hey.” He looked at the bundle in her arms. “She ok?”

Carol clutched her tighter and felt mildly offended. “She’s fine. Did you get everything on the list?”

“Most of it. Found the shelves so we can go back with the truck. Got some stuff for you.”

“Me?” She didn’t have anything on the list. This run was for general community supplies.

“Yeah.”

They walked around the back of the car where Glenn had placed a baby carrier, bassinet, and a playpen. “You didn’t have to do this.”

Glenn shrugged. “The store was just a few doors away. Besides, as Daryl said, Judith has things, so Abby should too.”

She was overwhelmed, so she focused on something else. “Abby?”

Glenn picked up a duffle bag. “Yeah.” His smile was so cheerful that she couldn’t protest the nickname. Shaking her head, she bent to pick up a bag and led the men into the building.  
  
Most of the supplies were for D Block, so their first stop was there. Some of the women crowded around her, eager to see the newest community member. She received several babysitting offers, and there was a general consensus that Abigail was “adorable” and “precious”.

“You’re good with the kids. You’ll be a good mom,” Jeanette claimed.

While innocent, Jeanette’s words were like ice water. “I’m not her mom,” she told the gathered group coldly. “I’m going to care for her…but I’m not her mom.”

The women seemed taken aback and gave her awkward goodbyes. Standing off to the side was Sarah, who nodded, agreeing with Carol’s claim. Carol nodded back and set her duffle bag on the steps.  
  
In C Block, Daryl placed the baby supplies in Carol’s cell.

“So the bottom is a playpen like Judith has, and the basket attaches to the top so it becomes a stand. That way, she’s off the floor,” he explained as he put it together. Carol studied it. It was pretty nice. And she wouldn’t have to bend over so far. “I also got more formula and diapers.”

Carol set Abigail in the bassinet. “I heard that you kept her in your cell last night so I could sleep.”

“Yeah.”

“And now this…”

He straightened up. “Your point?”

“Why? You don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t.”

“I can handle this on my own,” she said defensively. Didn’t he believe that she was capable? She knew how to take care of babies. She had cared for Judith.

“You don’t go on runs.” He protested.

“You know what I mean.”

He was silent for a long time, seeming to be fighting with himself. When he finally spoke again, he was quieter than normal. “You shouldn’t have to do this alone. Not this time. What you said ’bout Ed? How he didn’t really do much for—? This time you don’t have to go through that.”  
  
  
_Carol took out all of the ingredients for a pot roast and set them on the counter. For a long moment she stared at them, forgetting what to do. She was so tired. So very, very tired._

_Picking up some carrots, she began to peel them. As she finished the first one, Sophia began to wail. She looked at the baby monitor, hoping that just this once Ed would attend to her._

_Instead he yelled from the living room. “Shut her up!”_

_Carol sighed and left the kitchen, going to the nursery. Sophia was lying in her bassinet, her face red and her tiny arms waving uselessly in the air. She picked up her daughter and softly spoke to her. Sophia didn’t need a diaper change, and had been fed an hour before. Apparently it was just time to cry._

_“Come on, Sophia. You need to be quiet. You’ll upset your Daddy.” Being in her Mother’s arms calmed Sophia, and she stopped. “That’s my good girl.”_

_She set the baby back in her bassinet, turned on the mobile, and returned to the kitchen. Ed was getting another beer from the fridge. He looked at the counter._

_“Why the hell haven’t you started yet? It better be on the table by six.”_

  
She stared at him in shock for a few moments. He wanted to help her? Really help her. He didn’t seem to mean by babysitting.

“Daryl, you don’t want to do this. You have a life and duties.”  

He had been fiercely independent since she met him. He didn’t like to be tied to anything. Caring for Abigail would change all of that. She had taken on the responsibility. She wouldn’t push it onto anybody else, and especially not to Daryl. She was so proud of how much he had changed.

“A baby will interrupt all of that.”

“I know.” He turned to go, but at the last minute pulled a small yellow item out of the bag of supplies. It was a stuffed duck. “Thought she might like this.”

Their fingers brushed as she took it. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He seemed to be closing down again, so she just quietly told him goodnight and let him escape.  
  
Carol knelt down next to the bassinet and ran her finger over Abigail’s cheek. It was sweet of Daryl to offer, but he didn’t really understand. His experience with babies consisted entirely of the few times he had watched Judith. He didn’t understand the exhaustion and the annoyance. The deep, near-constant fear that something bad would happen.

He didn’t understand that once you took it on, it was for life; either yours or the baby’s.

“That, baby girl, is a good man. Probably the best. You’d be lucky if he helped me with you.” She sighed. “But I can’t allow that.”


	4. Chapter 4

She had thought that Daryl would avoid her after stating his intentions. It turned out to be the opposite.  The next day, he was offering to hold the baby so that she could eat and trying to take over feedings. She resisted and told him no. The others took the hint and didn’t bother to offer their assistance.  
  
After a few days, Daryl stopped trying. He seemed to pull into himself, getting quieter and quieter until he was no longer offering. She felt relieved that he wouldn’t carry a burden that he had no real idea he was trying to carry. He didn’t understand what it really took to care for a baby. The only experience he had was from being around Judith.

Only recently was Daryl comfortable being a part of a group. She wasn’t going to be the one who tied him down with a baby that wasn’t even his.  
That left her on her own. She had thought that it would be like it was with Sophia. But she was no longer a simple housewife with simple concerns. She was in charge of all domestic aspects of the prison, in addition to being on the counsel.  
  
* * *  
  
She was in the laundry washing a bin of Abigail’s clothes, towels, and blankets. She had only slept two hours the night before, and it was taking everything she had not to curl up next to the bin and sleep.

Rick walked into the room carrying a basket of his clothes. “I’m supposed to do your clothes tomorrow.” She frowned. She washed the Grimes family’s, Daryl’s, and Michonne’s laundry once a week.

“I know.” He set the bin down and poured water into an empty tub.

“You don’t think I can do it?” She almost growled.

“I do. I just don’t think that you should.”

“Why?” She was doing well. She was getting all of her responsibilities done. She contributed. She wasn’t weak and useless anymore.

“Because I’m not going to contribute to you breaking,” he told her gently.

“What?”

“I’ve been where you are. I tried to take on all responsibility and take care of my family. I did it for a month. Took Carl—“ He broke off. She knew that something big concerning his children had been the catalyst for his stepping down as leader, but she didn’t know what. “Don’t let that happen. Stop it before it even begins.”

“I’m not who I was. I can handle a lot now.”

Rick added soap to the tub and set the clothes in. “I know. I watched you change.”  
  
She rinsed out a onesie and stared at it. Rick was right. She did feel like she was going to break. There was just too much for her to do. Before Abigail, her day had been full. Now added to that were diaper changes, feedings, cleaning up spit up and vomit, crying fits that lasted too long. If she was going to be running on two hours of sleep for the next few months, her work was going to suffer. “I don’t know how to ask for help,” she whispered. She never had. Not when she sensed her marriage changing. Not the first time Ed laid hands on her. Not even at the camp when it was obvious that she had support. Not now.

“You don’t have to. He’s there.” Rick rubbed some dirt that was on a t-shirt. Carol handed him a scrub brush.

“He wants to help with her. I don’t know why.”

“Yeah, you do. I know why too.” She looked up, and he was watching her. “I’ve suspected it since after the farm. Known for sure since I told you he had left.” When she had broken down and cried. Rick hadn’t seemed surprised by her reaction. He had even hugged her.

She didn’t address Rick’s claims and tossed the onesie into the clean bin. “You think I should let him.”

“I think you should take help where you can get it.”  
  
Carol took the clean laundry out to the lines to dry. Down by the cars, she could see Daryl doing maintenance on his motorcycle. He glanced up and saw her, then quickly looked back at his work. She sighed and thought over Rick’s words. Rubbing her eyes, she knew she should talk to him.  
  
At her approach, he stood, wiping his hands on a cloth. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She shifted the carrier in her arms and took a deep breath. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Checking the snares, teaching some people how to make bolts and arrows. Might go out hunting. Why?”

“Could…could you possibly watch her sometime? I need to—“

“Alright.” He interrupted. “You don’t have to explain.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Want me to take her tonight? You could get a full night of sleep.”

She started to tell him no, but stopped herself. She desperately needed it. She could do her jobs better if she had more than three hours of sleep. Others would benefit. “That’d be great.”

“Alright.” He reached out as though to pick Abigail up but stopped, looking uncertain. She held the carrier towards him, and he lifted the baby out of it. Abigail fussed a little, but he was able to hush her. The slight look of pride on his face made her smile.  
  
Slowly, Carol let Daryl have more responsibility, and they became a good team. Abigail liked him, and he was the one who was able to get her to stop crying the quickest. After a month, they settled into a routine. Strangely, none of the group seemed surprised at the new arrangement. They just accepted it like they had accepted Abigail. No questions, no protests, no discussion.  
  
The problem with the situation was that it brought them closer. Already Daryl was the one in the group that she was closest to. From the beginning, they understood each other in a way that none of the others did.  That was why he had helped her with things like improving her shooting. He helped her to become valuable for more than her cooking and cleaning. If the group was gathered, Daryl and Carol were usually in close proximity. Now they were in near constant proximity, and some of the boundaries they had before were gone.  
  
* * *  
Carol couldn’t sleep. It was around midnight, and the block was silent. She was at a really good part of her book when she heard a slight cooing sound. Apparently Abigail was awake. Tonight was Daryl’s night with the baby, so she fought her instinct to go and get Abigail. For the last month, she had given Daryl more responsibility. She wouldn’t go back on it.  
  
After a few minutes, the cooing changed to crying. This was normally the time that Abigail was fed. The crying continued for a few minutes, and there were no sounds of Daryl waking up.

Sighing, she got out of bed and pulled on her robe and boots. Without even hesitating, she pushed aside the curtain to Daryl’s cell.  
  
Daryl was sound asleep, one arm tucked under him, the other hanging over the side of the bunk. How he could sleep through the racket Abigail was making, she didn’t know. Especially since when they were on the road, he woke at the slightest sound.

She reached into the bassinet and picked up the baby, and then took a bottle from the nearby diaper bag. She had just straightened back up when he spoke.

“What’re you doing?” he asked, turning a lamp on.

Carol froze for a moment, but then answered. “She’s hungry and you weren’t waking up.”

He rubbed his hands over his face and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. “It sounds like she’s just fussy. Try the thing.”

“Thing?”

“Yeah.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a pacifier. “This.”

Carol took it and stuck it in Abigail’s mouth. Abigail happily began sucking, so Carol placed her back in the bassinet. “I’m sorry for waking you.”

“She was only upset for a few minutes,” he started, obviously wanting an explanation.

Carol fiddled with the bottle. “I was awake and I just...” She shrugged. She saw his eyes travel over her and she suddenly felt awkward standing there in her pajamas and robe with her boots unbuckled “Sorry. See you in the morning.”

He got up and took a few steps towards her. “Hey. I’ve done pretty well so far, haven’t I?”

“You have.”

“I wouldn’t let her cry forever. Her face gets all red and her fists clench, and she makes this choking sound.” His tone was quieter than normal, and he was frowning at the bassinet. Abigail reached out, and Daryl leaned over, taking the tiny hand in his.

“Daryl?” It was so strange to see him like this. It made her a little uncomfortable, like she shouldn’t be witnessing it. He was normally such a private person.

“You don’t gotta worry. I’m here for her.”

“I wasn’t worried. It was just a reaction.” She smiled even though there was a strange tightness in her chest. “You’re great with her.” Gripping the curtain in her hand, she paused. “I’m sorry for just barging in here. It won’t happen again.”

“You can…if you need to.” He was looking at the ground as he started to say it, but raised his eyes. “It’s alright.”

“You can too, if you need to. Goodnight.”


	5. Chapter 5

For the next few months, it was normal to be together for a meal, with one of them holding the baby so that the other could eat. It was normal for one enter the other’s cell in the middle of the night to comfort Abigail if the other person didn’t wake quickly enough for a feeding or changing. Previously, during the day they would speak once or twice. Now it was more like four or five. 

It wouldn’t be a bad thing except for the fact that it was making her slight attraction to Daryl stronger. She had first realized that she had a crush during that long winter after the farm. She had thought that it was because he was one of the few who didn’t think of her as useless. Testing the situation, she had teased him on the bus. He had seemed uninterested, but not in a mean way. More of an uncomfortable way. So she had backed off, and their relationship once again was comfortable. But things were changing. At least, for her they were.

* * *

The C Block group gathered outside at the picnic tables, enjoying the cooling evening air. Glenn and Maggie had just returned from a run, and they were distributing the items.  
Carol was at a table with Beth. She saw Daryl take a bag from Glenn and come over to her.  
“I had him get you something,” he told her, opening the bag.  
She glanced at Glenn, who sat down next to Beth. “Really? I didn’t need anything.”  
“This you did.” He pulled out what looked like a backpack. As he unfolded it, she saw that it was a baby carrier pack. It was grey, but also had tiny pink flowers. “The hell?”  
Glenn raised his hands. “It was all I could find.” Carol caught a very quick glance at Maggie, who suddenly found the tabletop interesting.  
Daryl grumbled but held it out. “It’s so you can have her when you work, and you don’t have to carry that heavy thing around anymore.”  
“Aww. That’s sweet!” Beth exclaimed. Daryl’s ears grew red at Beth’s words, and Maggie elbowed Beth in the side. Beth was right though. It was sweet. He must have noticed how sore she was at the end of the day. She tried to hide it, but sometimes couldn’t.  
“Apparently you can wear it on the front or the back,” Glenn explained.  
Carol studied it. “Help me put it on?” she asked Daryl.  
She stood and pulled the carrier on so that it was situated on her front. Daryl stood behind her, and she could feel him adjusting the straps. She was wearing layered tank tops, so his fingers brushed against her skin a few times, causing her to shiver. Her cheeks grew hot, and she looked down so that nobody would notice.  
“That feel alright?” he asked, glancing over her shoulder to make sure that it was even.  
“Mm hmm.” She cleared her throat. Turning to the table, she picked Abigail up out of her other carrier and set her in the new one. Abigail fit securely, and she snuffled for a moment,  then settled contently. Carol ran her hand over the baby’s head. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”  
“You know, that thing adjusts even more. It’s big enough for Daryl to wear also,” Maggie told them, a hint of mischief in her eyes.  
Daryl looked offended for a moment at the thought of wearing a flowered baby carrier. Then he narrowed his eyes. “You think I won’t?”  
Beth stifled a giggle. Maggie smirked and shook her head.  
Glenn cleared his throat. “Why don’t you give her the other thing?”  
Carol turned to Daryl. “Other thing?” What could it be? They now had pretty much everything Abigail needed.  
Daryl shoved the bag at her. She reached inside and pulled out a battered paperback. It was the final book in the series she was reading. She smiled, and rubbed her hand over the cover. “Thank you, Daryl.” When she had been talking about it, she hadn’t thought he was listening, much less close enough to pay attention and remember.  
He shrugged, and she saw Glenn grin and nudge Maggie.

* * *  
“Ms. Carol! Mr. Dixon’s coming!” Luke informed her. Carol nodded, and the story time children hurried into action. They knew what to do. Carol stored the weapons in a box and picked a book. The children acted like they were completely engrossed in the story.  
Daryl appeared in the doorway a few minutes after Luke’s warning. He had the baby in her carrier pack. At first, it had been extremely strange to see Daryl walking around with a baby in a flowered carrier. He had acted like it was nothing, so after a day or so it was no longer at the top of the gossip list. Carol stopped mid-sentence when he entered the room.  
“Sorry. Thought this was the time it ended.”  
“We were just finishing. Alright children, we will continue this the day after tomorrow. Hurry up. Your parents are expecting you.” She followed them to the door, where some had stopped to say hello to Abigail.  
“Your daughter is adorable,” Mika Samuels told them before following her sister. Carol opened her mouth to correct her, but they ran off.  
She sighed and shook her head. “Think at one point everyone will finally know the truth?”  
Daryl shrugged. “They’re kids. They wouldn’t understand.”  
Carol lightly ran her hand over Abigail’s head. “I’m not her mother.”  
“I’m not her father. We know the truth. Our people know the truth.”  
He was right. It still got to her every time someone called Abby her daughter. It was disrespectful to Brenda and Sophia.  
“Yeah.” She changed the subject. “So did you want to talk?”  
“Yeah. I want to switch my hunting to tomorrow instead of after the run.”  
“Why?” In two days, there was going to be a large trip to a nearby Big Spot store.  
“Wanna try to get a deer so there will be enough meat to last everyone for a few days in case something happens.”  
In case something happens? It was a possibility. Every time he went out of the fences, his life was in danger. But out of everyone in the prison, he had the best chance to survive. “You’ve never talked like this before a simple run.”  
He shrugged, not elaborating on his new line of thinking. She sensed that she wasn’t going to get anything more out of him. “Was she good?”  
“No. She threw up all over my new shirt.”  
Carol tried not to laugh, but couldn’t help it. “You should be used to that by now. Besides, you don’t complain about walker blood, but you do about baby vomit?”  
“There’s a difference,” he muttered. “It’s just rude.”  
She laughed and moved closer so she could see Abby’s face. “You’re not rude, are you? You just objected to him tearing the sleeves off, didn’t you?”  
Chuckling, she glanced back at Daryl and was startled by the look on his face. She had caught him watching her a few times before, but somehow this seemed different. Their eyes locked, and she nervously licked her lips.  
“I should go start dinner. Thanks for bringing her by. I’ll take her tonight so that you could get enough sleep for tomorrow.”  
Hurrying out of the library, she tried to deny the look that had been on his face. And how she hadn’t minded it too much.

That night, she quietly knocked on the bars to his cell and pushed aside the curtain. He already had Abby in her bassinet and was waving the stuffed duck at her. The baby smiled and almost reached for it, causing Daryl to chuckle.  
It was a sight that was now common, but still didn’t seem quite normal. Somehow, instead of becoming a burden to him, having Abigail as a part of his life seemed to make him happier. He truly enjoyed taking care of her.

“I already fed and changed her. Hope tonight she finally sleeps through the night.”  
The awakenings had slowly become fewer, so they both were hopeful. “Me too.” She picked up the bassinet. “I know you’ll be up before me, so I wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow, though I know you won’t need it.” Hunting wise. She didn’t want to acknowledge the real danger.  
“Thanks.” He took the diaper bag and placed it over her shoulder. His fingers lightly brushed her skin, causing her breath to catch.  
“I should go,” she told him, her voice quiet. Suddenly being in his cell seemed inappropriate. Or maybe, it was her feelings that seemed inappropriate.  
“Mmhmm,” he agreed.

Instead of leaving, she turned. Her eyes darted up to his before settling on his mouth. She shouldn’t. She really, really shouldn’t. After all, they had just settled into a comfortable relationship. It would be stupid to mess that up.  
But he hadn’t stepped back when she turned around. He didn’t seem to object to the fact that they were so close.  
Deciding to take a chance, she shifted the bassinet to one side, and stepped closer. They were inches apart. She reached out, and lightly touched his forehead, brushing aside the hair. He seemed frozen in place. Slowly, giving him a chance to back away, she leaned in, and pressed her lips to his.  
She felt his jolt of surprise and almost pulled away.  But then his hand came up, cupping the back of her head, and he was kissing her back. She relaxed and moved her hand to his cheek, and then the back of his neck. His skin was warm, and his hair brushed the back of her hand. His lips were firm as they pressed against hers, and she sighed.

A loud string of babbles startled her, and she broke the kiss. Abigail had finally managed to grab ahold of the duck, and was apparently letting them know how proud she was. Carol chuckled, the earlier tension changing to awkwardness. Daryl simply nodded at them, and turned away. Carol quickly left his cell.  
Once she was sitting on her bunk, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She would have to watch herself now. This was not the time for that kind of behavior.

The next day, Carol couldn’t help but worry about Daryl. She worried about him every time he went outside of the fences, but this was somehow different. The way that he had talked the previous day had her wondering if he knew something that he wasn’t telling anybody.  
No. It couldn’t be anything like that. He would tell if it concerned the community.  
So was it something personal?

Her fears proved to be unfounded because he returned mid-afternoon, a freshly-cleaned deer with him. It brought up everybody’s spirits and provided enough food for that evening and the next day, just as he wanted.  
He was quiet when he returned, so Carol kept her distance. It didn’t seem like anything had happened while he was out, but something certainly was bothering him. She knew that there was no way that he would talk to her about it until he was ready. Probably not even then.  
He didn’t speak much to her when he got his breakfast, and the run team left not long after that. Carol watched the vehicles drive away, holding the infant that Daryl hadn’t said goodbye to.

She was so preoccupied that she didn’t even notice that Carl had snuck into story time until she was caught. She clutched the knife she was using to teach when he stood, staring at her in disbelief and disgust from among the bookshelves.  
“Why?” he asked.  
Carol carefully set the weapon back in the box and closed the lid. The children seemed unsure as to what to do, so she smiled reassuringly at them and approached Carl. He seemed nervous, but stood his ground.  
“Because it is necessary,” she replied in a quiet voice.  
“But…this is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to get their minds off of everything else,” Carl protested. He sounded desperate.  
“Their minds cannot be off of what is going on. They need to realize that the world is not safe, and they need to be prepared to defend themselves. They can’t be helpless, and if their parents won’t do it, I will.”  
“What gives you the right to choose that?”  
“The fact that my daughter wasn’t prepared, and she got bit.”  
Carl winced, and Carol remembered the he and Sophia had been close.  
“Are you going to teach Abby one day?”  
“I’m going to do everything I can to make sure she outlives me.”  
Carl seemed to accept this. “I won’t tell anybody.”  
“Thank you.” She returned to the children, who seemed eager to continue to learn.

The Big Spot run turned out to be a disaster. Zack, Beth’s boyfriend, lost his life. Carol could tell that Daryl was devastated by it. The first thing he did was to head to the showers to clean up. A little later, she saw him approaching Beth’s cell. She couldn’t hear what was being said, but she could see his completely defensive posture. Beth moved as though to hug him, but he stepped out of the way and hurried up the stairs. Carol stopped him from going into his cell by stepping in front of him.  
“No,” she told him.  
“Damn it, get out of my way,” he growled.  
She replied by pushing Abigail at him. He tried to resist, but was forced to grab the baby. Carol watched as the fight seemed to go out of him. Gently, she led him into her cell and sat him down. He didn’t speak, but focused his attention on the baby. Carol took a prepared bottle out of the diaper bag and handed it to him.  
“So today, “ Carol began, “I let Beth watch her for a little. I returned to retrieve her, and found out that Abigail and Judith got into a little fight.”  
“What?”  
Carol didn’t look at him and kept the smile off her face. “The way Beth explained it, Judith still doesn’t understand that Abigail’s too little to play. Judith tried to hand her one of the red cups, but Abigail just wouldn’t take it. So…Judith threw it at her. The cup didn’t hit her, but it startled her. When I walked in, Beth was holding Abigail, who was crying, and Judith was sitting on a blanket, crying.”  
She could see him fighting it, but finally he chuckled. “Gonna be interesting when they can both speak.”  
She felt relieved that he was talking about the future. “Yeah, it will be.”  
They sat in silence as Abigail continued to feed and eventually fell asleep. Carol set her in the bassinet and sat back down next to Daryl.  
“I’m tired of losing people,” he told her quietly.  
“I know. Me too.”  
“I don’t wanna…” He looked away from the bassinet and focused on the far wall.  
“I can’t think about it.” She paused, thinking about how she had felt while he had been on the run. “We can’t think about it.” He looked at her. “Spending the day worried about something happening to the people we care about is almost too much to handle. A person can’t live that way. We have to be vigilant, but not obsessive.”  
He grunted and looked at her. “How do you do it?”  
“I’m not as successful as you think,” she responded carefully.  
“Really?”  
She lay back sideways across the bunk, her hand behind her head. “I try though.”  
He lay back also, rubbing his face. “Trying’s all any of us can do.”  
“But I will do anything I can to keep her safe,” she responded more firmly than she intended. Thinking about it, she wasn’t sure what the line was that she would draw. If there was a line.  
“Me too.”  
“You can’t go back,” she told him softly after a long pause. He turned his head. “You can’t withdraw from all of us because you don’t want to care. She won’t understand.”  
“She’s three months old.”  
“She’s attached to you now. You’re her family.” Carol paused and realized that she wasn’t just talking about the infant anymore. “You’re all she really has.”  
It wasn’t quite the truth. They were a part of a group. No, they were now a family. But Daryl was the one she was closest to. The thought of losing that was too hard to think about. It made her scared and nauseous and even a little shaky. Dangerous thinking in this world.  
“I’m not going anywhere if I can help it,” he said after a long pause. He seemed to realize what she was trying to say. Carol took his hand and was relieved when he didn’t pull away.


	6. Chapter 6

Chaos. That is what Carol awoke to. Shouting, gunfire, screams.

Immediately she jumped out of bed. Normally, she would have gone right for her rifle, but instead she picked Abigail up from her bassinet and clutched her close. It was only after she had the baby secure in her arms that she grabbed her weapon and left her cell.

It appeared that the commotion was coming from D Block. Beth came running up to her, clutching Judith. “What’s going on?”

Carol looked at the door leading to the courtyard longingly, but Abigail was in her arms. She hadn’t felt this torn since the highway when she had been separated from Sophia. Well, this time she would not be separated from… the child she was caring for.

Instead of heading into the battle, she clutched the child and tried to keep her calm. The screaming and shooting only lasted for a few minutes, but it seemed like longer. She and Beth waited just inside the doors leading to the courtyard. There was worrying silence, then the sound of people in the courtyard. Instead of screaming, there was the unmistakable sound of crying.  
  
Slowly, she and Beth made their way outside. People were carrying sheet and blanket-wrapped bodies out towards the graveyard. Carol could see that quite a few of them were children, and she held Abigail tighter.

Daryl, Glenn, and Sasha were exiting D Block, all of them looking weary. Daryl hurried over to her but stopped, remembering that he was covered in walker blood.

“What happened?” Carol asked.

“It appears Patrick turned in the night and attacked the block,” Daryl explained.

Patrick? The kid who had been helping her? “How?”

Daryl shook his head. “Didn’t look like anything obvious. Hershel is helping Dr. S. examine him to see what happened. That he had bloody eyes is pretty much all we know.”

“But he wasn’t bit?” Beth asked.

“Not that we can see,” Glenn answered quietly.

“We are all infected,” Carol reminded them quietly. “He might have fallen or something.”

Daryl nodded. “Yeah. Think we should have a council meeting.”

Carol nodded. “As soon as possible.”  
  
Glenn, Daryl, Sasha, Carol, and Glenn were already in the library when Hershel slowly walked in. “Dr. S and I determined why Patrick died,” he started when he sat down. “It seems he had a virus.”

Carol felt icy cold fear at Hershel’s words. A virus. Here in the prison. “Is anybody else infected?” She asked and found that her lips felt numb.

“It’s likely that anybody who was in D Block has been exposed.”

“What are the symptoms?” Glenn asked.

“We don’t know yet.”

“It has to be fast-acting. Patrick was fine yesterday. He—oh god! He helped me make breakfast for everybody!” Carol exclaimed.

Hershel nodded. “We need to keep an eye out. Anybody exhibiting any strange symptoms needs to be isolated from everybody else immediately.”

“The solitary cells in the Tombs would work. We—“ Glenn began. He was interrupted by the sound of coughing coming from the hallway. Everybody jumped up and ran to the door. Outside, Tyreese was ushering his girlfriend Karen towards C Block.

He looked confused to see everybody rushing out of the library. They stopped, and Carol could see that Karen was obviously sick. She was pale and sweaty, and she looked like she was only going to get worse.

“What’s going on?” Hershel asked lightly, but the tension in his voice was obvious.

“Karen’s not feeling well, so I was taking her to my room since D is still being cleaned up.” Tyreese answered.

“I’m afraid we can’t let you do that.” Daryl stepped in front of the other council members.

“Why not?”

“Patrick died of a virus. Karen, it looks like you’ve got it. We cannot allow you to—“

“It’s ok.” Karen stood up straighter, letting go of Tyreese. “I understand.”

“We’ll set you up in one of the isolation cells. It’s just a precaution,” Hershel explained.

Karen nodded. “David. He was with me earlier when we were putting down walkers. He looked like he was coming down with the same thing.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Glenn hurried off to find David, and Tyreese reluctantly ushered Karen towards the Tombs.  
  
Carol leaned against the wall and hugged herself.

“You ok?” Daryl asked.

Carol shook her head. “I wanna go check on Abigail, but I’m afraid.” She had been around those who were infected. Abigail was too little and vulnerable.

“Beth has her, and nobody who has been exposed is allowed in C.”

“Yeah. I just—“

“Me too,” he finished. “I gotta go start digging.” Daryl was the one who usually dug the graves.

“Wear gloves and a mask.” He took a few steps away. “Daryl? How do we deal with this thing?” He looked confused. “This is a threat to everything we have. Other threats we shoot or… How do we take care of this one?”

He was silent for a few moments. “We’ll find a way. We agreed, right?”

They had agreed. They would do anything it took to keep their family safe.  
  
Throughout the rest of the day, Carol tried to focus but couldn’t. All she could think about was Abigail and the threat the virus caused.  
  
Knowing that the two infected people needed to keep their strength up and stay hydrated, Carol prepared two bowls of chicken broth and extra bottles of water. She took them down to the Tombs, each step feeling like she was closer to being infected.  
  
She reached the door to the cell and heard coughing coming from inside. Opening it, the two occupants barely stirred. They were sweaty, pale, and the only sounds they made were coughing and moaning. Carol set the items down and, placing her scarf over her face, slowly entered the cell. She approached Karen first. The woman raised her eyes, showing that they were red and bloodshot. She didn’t have much time left.

“Karen?” Carol knelt down.

“I’m not going to make it, am I?”

“No.”

“Can you—“ She broke off and coughed.

“I won’t let you turn.”

“No. Can you make it go away?” Her voice was gasping. “The pain?”

She had heard just exactly how Patrick had died. It was horrific, painful. Drowning in your own blood. “I don’t have anything?”

“No. Make it end. Make everything end.”

Carol drew back in horror as she comprehended what Karen meant. “You want me to put you down?”

Karen nodded and winced. “Please?

Carol stood and took a few steps back. She had put down walkers and pierced the brain of the dead to make sure they didn’t come back. But Karen was still alive.

“Karen…” She wasn’t a murderer. She didn’t want to become a murderer. It was something she would have to live with, and she already had almost too much to deal with.

“Please?” David’s voice came from behind her. She turned her head and saw him gasping on his bunk. “Please?”

Carol bit her lip, shaking her head and fighting against her instincts. It would be a mercy. Then she would be able to burn the bodies and end the threat of infection. Nobody else had been showing symptoms.

It would end the threat to Abigail.  
  
Slowly, she pulled her knife and clutched it. Karen looked relieved and closed her eyes.

“Turn over,” Carol ordered. The woman did, stifling a groan. Carol took a few steps forward until she collided with the bunk.

“Thank you,” Karen whispered as Carol placed her hand on the side of Karen’s head. A moment later, she plunged the knife into Karen’s brain.

Letting out a cry of horror, she stumbled back, tears freely falling down her face. Before she could change her mind, she turned to David. He was already facing away from her. She repeated the procedure, ignoring David’s thanks.  
  
Horrified at what she had just done, she backed away until she hit the wall by the door. Looking down at her knife, she let go of it, and it clattered to the ground. Her breath was coming in gasps, and as she stared at the now-dead bodies of her former neighbors, she felt nauseous, and bile burned the back of her throat. She swallowed thickly and tried to slow her breathing. She had to act fast now.  
  
The prison was unusually quiet as she hurried and got the extra container of gasoline. Next, she dragged both of the bodies out to the nearest courtyard. Thankfully it was walled so nobody would be able to see what she was doing. After saying a quick prayer, she lit the two corpses on fire, ending the threat of infection. She watched the bodies burn, feeling a part of herself being destroyed along with them.  
  
Retrieving her knife and cleaning it on a blanket from one of the bunks, she composed herself in the hallway and returned to the main courtyard. Rick and Daryl were there, looking distressed.

“More people are infected,” Rick told her without even a greeting. “Almost everyone from D Block. We’re isolating them in Death Row, and sending the children to the Administration Building. Beth has the babies.”

Carol had barely registered anything beyond his first statement. More people were infected? “But nobody was showing any symptoms.”

“Seemed to have different times for different people. But now it’s spreading like wildfire. Sasha has it. Glenn too. Even some of the children. Dr. S has isolated himself with it. We’re gonna do what we can. Some people left on a run to get medicine,” Daryl explained.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “What can I do?”

“There’s not really much that anybody can do. We just have to wait until the others get back.”

Carol was about to speak when Tyreese came running out of the building, shouting. He saw them, and when he neared, she could see that he looked ready to kill someone. She took an involuntary step back.

“What’s going on?” Rick asked, placing a restraining hand out.

“Someone killed them.” Carol steeled herself, knowing what was going to come next. “I went to…and they weren’t there. And…” He clenched his fists. “They’re dead. Burned.” Now he looked ready to cry. “Someone burned them.”

Rick and Daryl exchanged bewildered looks and asked Tyreese to lead them to what he was talking about. Carol followed without being asked, dreading the events to come.


	7. Chapter 7

Carol stood back towards the door as Daryl and Rick examined the remains of Karen and David. Their bodies were still smoking, but the fire had gone out. The scent of charred flesh filled the courtyard. She wanted to place her scarf over her mouth, but felt that Tyreese might feel it was disrespectful. Now that he was back at the bodies, he seemed to be close to snapping.  
  
“You will find who did this,” Tyreese said, and it was obviously an order. “You will find them and make them pay.”

“Now, that’s not how we do things—“ Rick started, but Tyreese roared and shoved Rick up against the wall.

“You will find them,” Tyreese demanded, and the order took on a note of desperation.

Carol placed her hand over her mouth and shook her head. This was wrong. It was all wrong.

Daryl rushed over to the two men to intervene, but Rick held him off. He spoke so quietly that she couldn’t hear what was being said. It didn’t work, and Tyreese took a step back and punched Rick in the face.

Daryl pulled Tyreese away from Rick and tried to restrain him. Tyreese fought madly, yelling that the person who was responsible needed to be caught. The punch seemed to have caused something in Rick to snap, because he roared and rushed at Tyreese. Startled, Daryl let go of Tyreese. Unfortunately, that gave Rick the opportunity he was looking for, and he hit Tyreese in the jaw. The two men fought, neither holding back. Rick ended up on top, punching Tyreese over and over.  
  
Carol was both horrified and disgusted at Rick. Yes, Tyreese had attacked him, but now he was simply beating the shit out of a grieving man. Daryl was desperately trying to pull Rick away from Tyreese.

“Stop.” When she heard the word, she realized that it was her own voice speaking. “Stop. Stop it!” she shouted. It startled everyone, and Daryl was able to get ahold of Rick. Carol rushed to Tyreese, checking as best she could to make sure there was no serious injury. She turned and glared at Rick. “Feel better now that you have beaten a grieving man?”

“He came at me,” Rick muttered, wiping the blood off his hands. Daryl stepped back, but kept himself between them.

Carol helped Tyreese stand. “You should have Hershel look at you,” she told him, but he shrugged her off.

“Find…who did this,” he told Daryl and slowly walked out of the courtyard.  
  
Rick seemed to be struggling to pull himself together. “He’s right. We have to find them.”

Carol crossed her arms. “I did it.” Both men stared at her dumbly. She lifted her head. “I killed them and burned them.”

“Had they turned?” Rick asked.

Carol shook her head. “No. They were still alive when I—“ She broke off and motioned to the knife attached to her belt.

The silence seemed to stretch into forever, and she hugged herself. She could almost feel Daryl’s disgust at her actions.

“Why?” Daryl finally asked.

“Why doesn’t matter,” Rick said. His voice was matter-of-fact and held absolutely no warmth. “You need to go.”

“I understand. I need to go check on—“

“No. You need to leave this place. The prison. You’re not welcome here anymore.”

“Hey now—“ Daryl started.

“Excuse me?” Carol demanded, shocked.

“You killed two people. Two helpless, sick people. Two of our own! You can’t be trusted. I don’t—I don’t want you here.”

Gone. Exiled. Separated from everybody and everything she cared about. She would never see Abigail again. Never see her take her first steps, never hear her say her first words. She wouldn’t be around to protect her, to make sure that she reached those milestones. Rick wanted to take all of that away from her.

Rick could go to hell.  
  
“That’s not your decision to make,” she told him, her voice firm.

“Not mine to make? I brought us here—“

“You’re not the leader anymore! You gave that up. I do something you don’t like, and suddenly you decide to take charge again? It doesn’t work that way.”

“I don’t trust you here with my children!”

She almost took a step back. He honestly thought she would hurt them?

“Your children? You mean Judith? The baby that I raised for a month while you were so crazy you couldn’t stand to even look at her?” He flinched. “The baby that I fed and changed? The baby that I woke up every two hours to care for while you did nothing? That baby?” She continued walking towards him with each sentence, her voice rising until Rick clenched his fists and nodded.

“Yes. Her and Carl.”

“You ain’t the only one here with kids, Rick,” Daryl stated.

“She isn’t yours,” Rick countered.

The two men stared at each other, and Carol feared another fight. Although to be honest, she was more likely to fight Rick.

It was hard to believe that they had once been friends.

Rick tried another tactic. “Tyreese will kill you.”

“I can handle Tyreese,” Daryl stated firmly.

Rick shook his head and stormed out of the courtyard.  
  
Carol let out a breath she hadn’t even been aware she was holding and also turned to leave.

“What happened?” Daryl asked quietly.

Carol turned back to him. “They asked me to. I was bringing them food, and Karen asked me to end it. David too. They were suffering. So I did. I had hoped that it would be over and everyone would be safe.”

He sighed. “It was a mercy.” She nodded. “Didn’t think you were a cold- blooded killer.”

“Thank you for asking. And for not letting him kick me out.”

“Abby needs you. We need you. Someone has to make the hard decisions and carry them out. You did the right thing, and someday Rick will realize it.” Daryl hefted his bow onto his back and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Next time talk to me first. Or the council. You shouldn’t have had to do this alone.”

“I didn’t really have time to think.” They wouldn’t have lasted another hour.

“I know. Let’s hope that the others get back soon. Come on.”

Carol followed, wondering when she had gone from the cook and babysitter of the group to the one who made the hard decisions. She also wondered which one she really wanted to be.


	8. Chapter 8

Carol sat in the shelter of a tree, holding onto the bark behind her like a lifeline. She would allow herself this one moment of weakness.  
It was supposed to be safe. They had worked so, so hard for it to be. They had—  
they had become complacent. They had become weak. It would not happen again.  
Of course it would not. There was nobody left. Only her. Not even—  
No. She would not think of that.  
  
Climbing to her feet, she took a deep breath and started walking. But to where? The prison was gone, destroyed by the Governor and his insanity.  
Nothing to do but to pick a direction that might have a town nearby. That was what they had done before. At least she had a weapon.  
  
The woods were completely silent, with only the occasional growl of a walker breaking through the quiet. In the distance, she could still see the smoke from the burning towers.  
She should probably look for something to kill for her dinner. Thankfully, Dar—  
her hunting skills had improved over the months, so she was confident. A squirrel, perhaps?  
Making her steps even quieter, she stalked through the trees, seeking game. Distantly, she heard crying. It sounded like a baby. She had to be imagining it.  
No. It was definitely there.  
And it was a cry she knew well.  
  
She rushed through the trees and bushes, coming upon the Samuels sisters and a baby. A baby that was too large to be Abigail.  
Mika ran to her. “Carol! You’re here.”  
Carol forced a smile. “Are you alone? Where’s your father?”  
Mika’s face fell. “Daddy got shot trying to get us out. Tyreese found us.”  
Lizzie held  Judith out to Carol. “He went to help some people on the tracks. She won’t stop, and it will bring walkers.”  
Carol took the baby, ignoring the pain of not finding Abigail. “Shhh… It’s ok. Come on.”  
Having someone familiar hold Judith seemed to calm the baby down. She hushed to quiet whimpers.  
“Did you see anyone else?” Mika asked quietly.  
Lizzie nudged her. “If she had, they’d be with her.”  
Carol shook her head. “No. You’re the first.”  
Mika frowned, but then held up her gun when she heard rustling nearby. Tyreese emerged, and his eyes widened when he saw them.  
“Carol. Thank god.” He enveloped her in a hug. She reluctantly returned it. Obviously, Rick had not told him the truth about Karen and David. “I found the girls and the baby.” He pulled back, and his tone grew sad. “I didn’t see your daughter. I’m sorry.”  
“She wasn’t my daughter,” she stated quietly.  
Tyreese seemed confused, but didn’t push. “There are some railroad tracks. Someone told me about a place that offers sanctuary. We should check it out.”  
“Someone? Where are they?” Mika asked. Tyreese stayed silent, and the answer slowly dawned on her. “Oh.”  
Was there such a thing anymore? Carol doubted it, but the girls perked up and begged to go there. “Alright.”  
  
The next day, they came upon a pecan grove. It had a lovely little house that was the perfect place to stay for a while, to rest and regroup.  
After clearing out the walkers, they set about exploring.  
Tyreese went to get water, so Carol started going through the rooms for things they could use. She paused in the doorway of what had obviously been a bedroom for a baby.  
Carol spoke softly to Judith. “Look, baby girl. You can have a change of clothes.”  Setting her on the changing table, she pulled out a purple outfit.The second drawer contained smaller clothes, about Abigail’s size, and she chose a pair of blue overalls. Taking deep breaths, she composed herself, and set the overalls back in the drawer. She checked on the Samuels sisters,  then settled in a rocking chair to put Judith to sleep. After a few moments she fell asleep herself.  
  
She awoke some time later. Judith wasn’t with her, and she started panicking.  
“Judith?” she called, even though the baby couldn’t talk yet. “Girls?”  
She hurried into the living room. Tyreese was in a chair, and the girls were putting together a jigsaw puzzle. They looked up at her in greeting.  
“They’re fine,” Tyreese answered gently.  
“I’m sorry I fell asleep.”  
“It’s alright. I wasn’t gone very long, and this place is safe. You were up all night on watch. You needed it.”  
Carol shook her head. “It’s not ok.” It really wasn’t. She should not be reacting this way. Since the Turn, she had lost so many people. To react this way over someone that she had known for only three months was not appropriate.  
Taking a deep breath, she turned to the girls. “Who wants to roast some pecans?”  
  
When their stomachs were full, Tyreese settled in a chair with a book. Lizzie continued to work on the puzzle, while Mika found a doll to play with. Carol sat on the floor by Tyreese’s chair and leaned against the wall.  
“They’re happy.”  
He looked up from his book and surveyed the scene. “They are. It’s good to see.”  
“Did...did you see anyone leaving the prison? I know that you said that you didn’t see Abigail, but—“  
“I didn’t see Daryl,” he answered quietly. “I thought I saw some people running in the opposite direction. I didn’t go after them, though. I was more concerned about getting the kids to safety.”  
“Of course. I wish I hadn’t gone on that run. Then maybe…” Maybe she could have prevented it. She could have got the Governor before he did any real damage. Instead, she had arrived to find the place in smoking ruins, bodies of people she knew scattered on the ground. Several had even turned to walkers, and she put them down.  
What happened to the sick people? What happened to her family? Were they five the only ones left of nearly fifty people?  
“There’s nothing you could have done. He had a tank.”  
“Yeah.” The guilt was still tremendous. It would never go away, and when added to the guilt of killing Karen and David, it was almost overwhelming. She opened her mouth to confess to him, but closed it. It couldn’t happen with an audience.  
  
“Carol?” Lizzie asked the next morning. Mika and Tyreese had gone to get more water for the day.  
“Hmm?” Carol took the kettle and set it on the stove, lighting the gas burner.  
“Are you our mother now?”  
Carol clutched the edge of the stove so tight her knuckles turned white. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths, fighting the strange sense of panic that Lizzie’s question had caused.  
“Carol?”  
Two more. Two more orphaned girls had been pushed into her care.  
“Carol, are you ok?”  
Two more girls who were just going to end up dead.  
  
  
_She watched as the walkers were shot down. The men had a single- minded precision about it. Beth was with Maggie, sobbing as her family was put down. Every now and then, Carol could hear “Mama.”_  
_Then it happened. Sophia…or rather, the shell of Sophia slowly shuffled out of the barn. Carol gave an anguished cry and tried to run to her daughter. Someone grabbed her from behind, preventing her from reaching Sophia._  
_“No,” Daryl told her, his voice firm._  
_She struggled against his grasp. “Sophia? Baby!”_  
_Sophia kept coming, moving towards the gathered group. Collapsing onto the ground, Carol clawed at the dirt, feebly trying to move forward. Daryl held tight, his arm moving from her middle to her shoulders. She stopped struggling as she watched Rick approach her child and raise his gun._  
_“No! Don’t!” She tried to yell, but all that came out was a thin whine. The shot rang out, and the only sound was crying. She pushed away from Daryl and stood, running from the barn, running from the truth, running from the soul-crushing pain._  
  
  
“I didn’t mean to upset you! Tyreese!”  
She felt a strong hand on her shoulder, and it brought her back to awareness. She opened her eyes and realized that the kettle was near boiling and Tyreese was gently trying to lead her towards a chair. She pulled out of his grasp and looked at Lizzie.  
“My daughter died over a year ago. I’m not anyone’s mother.” Her voice was so calm and so cold that it surprised even her. Lizzie’s face crumpled, and she ran out of the house. Mika ran after her. Tyreese went to the door for a moment, but returned.  
“Are you alright?”  
She nodded. “I’m fine.”  



	9. Chapter 9

Later that day, Carol took Lizzie with her when she went hunting. Lizzie’s behavior around her had changed. She was hesitant and sad, only speaking when Carol asked a question. Things needed to be made right with the girl. After all, who knew exactly how far it was to Terminus. They could be together for a while. So Carol decided to take the girl hunting. It was a skill that the children needed to learn.  
  
After bringing back a deer for their dinner, she waited until everyone was full and relatively content. Tyreese rocked Judith to sleep while Carol cracked pecans at the table.

“Girls?” she spoke, startling them from their quiet play.

“Ma’am?” Mika answered.

She took a breath. “I’m not your mother. But I will protect you as long as you are in my care.”

Like she had protected Sophia? The girl had been only a few feet away, and things had gone wrong. Like she had protected Abigail? The first time she was away from the baby since the birth,  Abigail was killed.

How could she protect anyone?

But the girls needed to hear it. They needed reassurance. It was a rare thing in this world.

“Thank you, Ma’am.” Lizzie replied. Mika nodded.

Tyreese nodded at her as he placed Judith in the crib. The room was full of a heavy silence for a while, with the only sound being the cracking of pecan shells.  
  
“Ma’am? You said you had a daughter who died?” Lizzie asked. Mika elbowed her hard in the ribs. “Ow!”

“Her name was Sophia,” Carol answered, cracking open a pecan harder than she needed to. “Mika, don’t do that to your sister.”

“How’d she die?”

“Can we not talk about that, please?” She glanced over at them and saw the girls once again looking uncomfortable.

“Let’s go find a book to read,” Mika told her sister, getting up and leaving the room. Lizzie quickly followed.  
  
Carol seasoned the pecans and placed them in the oven. Wiping her hands on a towel, she walked out onto the porch. She sat on the steps, placed her head in her hands, and resolutely pushed down all of the emotions threatening to overwhelm her. Emotions down and numbness up. That was the way that it had to be.  
  
Night began to fall, and still she didn’t go in. She could hear the voices of Tyreese and the girls and smell the delicious scent of roasted pecans. Footsteps sounded as far as the doorway, but she didn’t turn around and didn’t acknowledge them. If there was an emergency, they would get her.

The conversation quieted, and heavy footsteps sounded on the porch.  
“Judith’s down, and the girls are quietly reading.” After a pause, Tyreese sat down next to her. “No wonder you’re so good with Judith.”

“Mmm.” She realized that all of this was news to Tyreese. She never talked about Sophia.  
  
He didn’t say anything for a long moment, and she felt compelled to offer some kind of explanation, something so that he would understand exactly why she had reacted the way that she did.

“It happened right before we met the Greene family.” She swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. “She…there was a herd of walkers, and we got separated.” Her palms began to get sweaty as she spoke, and her heart began to pound. She took a deep breath and rubbed her hands on her pant legs. “She ran away and got bit. We looked for her. We didn’t know what had happened to her.” She remembered the days of looking. Waiting. Not knowing. Without realizing it, tears started to fall down her cheeks. She stood up, took a few steps away, and ran her hands through her hair. She knew that she should stop speaking, but couldn’t. The words were determined to come out. “For five days, I thought that she was lost - cold and scared and wanting her mamma.” The baby that she had carried inside of her for nine months, birthed, nursed, and raised had turned into one of those monsters. The thought made her openly sob now. 

By the look on Tyreese’s face, he knew what was coming. Taking a shaky breath, she said the words that she had blocked behind a steel wall in her mind. “She had already turned. Rick put her down. I saw him put a bullet in my baby’s head.”

She gasped after speaking, breathing heavily, her heartbeat erratic. Despite what she had told Daryl at the farm, it had still been her daughter.

Carol placed a hand over her mouth, as though to stop herself from saying anything more.

But what else was there to say, really?

“Jesus,” Tyreese muttered. He stood and put his arms around her. She struggled, and he held on. “Carol…”

“And now Abigail…she was just like Sophia. Scared and I wasn’t there. She wasn’t mine, and I promised to protect her but—“

  
_“Mama?” Sophia whispered to Carol, waking her. She tensed for a moment, listening, but all she heard was the sounds of night._

_Carol turned over and tried to see her daughter in the darkness. “What are you doing awake?”_

_“Are we gonna die?”_

_Now Carol was completely awake. “What?”_

_“Are we going to die? Are we going to turn into them?”_

_“What brought this on?”_

_“We almost died in the CDC, and we don’t have a place to go. Are we going to turn into them or get eaten?”_

_Carol sat up and pulled her daughter to her. “No, sweetheart. I promise I will do everything I can to protect you. They’ll get me before they get you.”_

 

“She was yours,” Tyreese interrupted.

Carol pulled back and wiped her face. “No, her mother—”

“The woman who gave birth to her died. You have been a mother to her since her birth. Just like Daryl has been her father.”

Carol shook her head. “No. No, no, NO!” The last word came out as a wail, and she kept shaking her head. He was wrong. He had to be. He had to be, because that would mean that she had lost another daughter.  
But that was what this felt like. It felt like losing Sophia.

“You took care of her. You did all of it and didn’t complain.”

“It needed to be done.”  


_Abigail lay on her stomach and babbled. She was lying on a blanket in the middle of Carol’s bunk. Carol was finishing getting ready for the day._  
_The baby laughed and tried to push herself up with her arms. She looked determined, and Carol watched as she succeeded in lifting her shoulders and upper chest for a few seconds._

_Carol grinned and backed out into the walkway, keeping an eye on the baby._

_“Daryl?” She called. He stuck his head out of his cell. She motioned him over. “Look.”_

_He moved next to her and watched as Abigail did it again. “Why’s she doing that?”_

_Carol picked up the baby and moved her onto her back. Abigail gave a few kicks in protest. “It’s called a milestone. It means she’s getting stronger.” She felt a sense of pride of the baby._

_“Oh. Just as long as she’s not about to crawl. I ain’t ready for that.”_

_“You have a while yet.” Placing the baby in her carrier, she detached it from the playpen, and handed it to him. “I don’t have to go today.”_

_He took it. “Yeah you do. You haven’t been out of here in three months. We’ll be fine.”_

_“You’re sure?” Things were just starting to get back to normal. The sick people were no longer in danger of dying. Their food stores were seriously depleted, which was why she was going on a run._

_“Yeah.”_

_After a moment’s hesitation, she leaned up and gently kissed him. “Alright. I’ll be back by this afternoon.”_  
  


This was too much for her. Her brain was not allowing her to accept it. She had to change the subject. “You shouldn’t be so nice to me.”

“What? Carol, you’re my friend, and you’re hurting.” Tyreese sounded confused.

She shook her head. “No, I’m not. I’m the last person you want as a friend.”

“We haven’t known each other that long, but I like to think that—“

“I killed Karen. And David,” she blurted, determined to make him stop being so nice. She didn’t deserve it.

Tyreese stepped back as though struck. In the dim light, she saw him blink and clench his fists. Slowly, she pulled her knife and handed it to him. He took it, clutching the handle. The only sounds were his harsh breathing.

“You killed them?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“You burned them?”

“Yes.”

The hand holding the knife started shaking. A part of her, a tiny part, almost wished he would use it. She’d hoped that changing his focus might take her mind off of the previous conversation, allow her to push the pain back down, and in a way, punish her for failing everybody.

“Why?” he asked. Instead of sounding like rage, it came out in almost a wail of agony.

“She begged me to.” She told him what had happened in the Tombs. The shaking intensified as her story progressed. When she was done speaking, he didn’t say anything. He just continued to shake and stare at her.

“She was hurting…suffering?”.

“Yes.”

“I’m now hurting and suffering.”

“I know.”

“You’re hurting and suffering.”

She nodded.

“Good.” Tyreese raised the knife, studying it, and then extended the handle towards her. “I forgive you.”

For a moment, the words didn’t seem to make and sense. He forgave her? How could he forgive her? She had killed the woman he loved!

“What?”

“I lost my girlfriend. You lost your baby and your boyfriend. We all lost people. Nothing can make it right.”

Hesitantly, she took the knife back. He flinched when their fingers brushed, then he nodded. He started to walk back into the house and paused, looking back to her. “Did you love her? Abigail?”

“Yes. I tried not to, but yes.”

“Then there you go. She’s your daughter. And we’ll find her.”


	10. Chapter 10

“I think that we should go on to Terminus,” Carol said the next morning.  
“What? Why can’t we stay here?” Mika asked.  
Carol stuffed her few possessions into her bag and closed it. “We can. It’s a good place. But if anybody is left, I think it’s where they’ll go.”  
“Not if,” Tyreese countered, speaking to her for the first time since the night before. “People survived, and they’ll be there.”  
Carol put her pack on without replying. There was no more room left in her life for hope. For anything, really.  
  
The walk to Terminus was strained. The small talk that they had engaged in before was gone. The girls seemed to sense that something had changed between her and Tyreese, but they obviously didn’t know what it was.  
“Listen,” Mika exclaimed, stopping in the middle of the tracks. “Is that…?”  
Carol stopped, listening. Gunfire, and pretty close gunfire at that. “It sounds like it is coming from the direction of—“  
She broke off as walkers emerged a few feet in front of them, heading towards the gunfire. The small group hid behind trees, not wanting to draw any attention. After a few minutes, the herd passed.  
Tyreese let out a breath. “Terminus.”  
She looked at him, questioning. Should they move on? What if it was their people in there, obviously in trouble?  
He gave her a slight nod and then continued walking. “We’ll find a place to settle for a while,” he told the girls.  
“But what about Terminus?” Lizzie protested.  
“I’ll go check it out,” Carol promised.  
“I can go too.”  
“Don’t be stupid,” Mika told her sister.  
For once, Carol didn’t admonish her.  
  
They found a small cabin and a man named Martin, a resident of Terminus. He didn’t seem too worried about the gunfire, which made Carol suspicious. With Tyreese’s agreement, she tied Martin up.  
“Ok, girls. You stay here with Tyreese, and I’ll go see if our friends are in there,” Carol told them, stuffing Martin’s fireworks into a bag along with weapons, rope, and anything else that might prove useful.  
Lizzie and Mika huddled against the wall opposite Martin, their eyes wide and worried.  
“You got this?” she asked Tyreese.  
“Yeah. You got a plan?”  
“Get them out, if they’re there.”  
“Be careful.”  
Martin snorted. “Careful is not going to do anything. You won’t succeed. It’s best if you—“  
Carol took off her scarf and gagged Martin with it, tying it around his head.  
Without another word, she grabbed her bag and left the cabin.  
  
Disguising herself as a walker, she made it to the fence of the compound with no trouble. Looking through the scope of her rifle, she saw residents of Terminus pulling people out of a train car. Looking closer, she saw that they were Glenn, Rick, Bob, and Daryl.  
Her people were there.  
She cleared her mind and pushed the hope at seeing her friends into numbness.  
  
The air was full of the stench of cooked, decayed flesh. Live humans were screaming and shooting. She had killed so many she lost count. Picking a door at random, she entered a building.  
It was a butcher shop. Bodies hung from hooks, their human forms still discernable. Gaging, she hurried through, searching several rooms until she found one that looked like a shrine. Candles were lit, casting the painted walls in a yellow glow.  
“You,” a woman’s voice growled, causing Carol to turn and raise her weapon. “You did this?”  
“The people you just pulled from the train car? Where are they?”  
“Do you have any idea what you've done?” The woman kept coming towards her, a knife in her hand.  
“Four men. They were just taken. Where are they?” Carol demanded, tightening her finger next to the trigger.  
“You’re just like them. We offer you sanctuary, and you destroy everything! You come here, and you kill and you rape and you destroy!”  
She wasn’t going to get anything out of the woman. Leaning against a door, she opened it slightly and heard the growl of walkers. They grabbed at the door. In one move, she pushed it open, moving aside. Her speed and walker disguise were enough that the walkers rushed past her towards the woman. The woman’s screams filled the room, and Carol rushed out in search of her friends.  
  
The next room she came to was full of supplies. From the amount and diversity of the items, Carol knew they had to have come from the slaughtered people. Everything was neatly sorted. She spotted Daryl’s bow on top and took it, along with a handgun. As she was leaving, she saw a smaller table, this one full of baby items. Immediately she spotted a flowered baby carrier and a green diaper bag. On the top was a small yellow duck. Carol picked it up and shoved it in her pocket.  
  
She didn’t find them. Didn’t even see them. She escaped back over the fence and stopped when she could no longer hear the shouts. Pulling off her weapons and the fouled poncho, she wiped her face off with one of her shirts and tossed it aside. Kneeling on the ground, she pulled the toy out of her pocket.  
It was Abigail’s. She knew that duck so well. It had been the baby’s favorite toy.  
It meant that she had gotten this far.  
But they had probably got rid of her first. They had--  
Carol leaned over and vomited, the numbness fading and tears threatening.  
“Come on. You can’t do this. Not here, not ever,” she whispered, forcing herself to stand and grab the weapons. After taking a few deep breaths, she headed back towards the cabin.  
  
“I’m saying they don’t deserve to live.”  
At the sound of voices, Carol stopped walking and raised her weapon.  
“I ain’t taking her back there,” Daryl protested.  
“They were going to eat us. You get that, right? People are just meat to them!” Rick argued.  
“We’re out. We’re safe. Let’s just go,” Glenn suggested.  
Carol walked towards the voices, not believing what she was hearing. She stopped the moment she saw them. Almost all of them were there, filthy but alive.  
They spun around when they heard her, and her eyes immediately locked onto Daryl. He was bloody and beaten, but otherwise fine.  
And in his arms was Abigail.  
  
Her breath came in short gasps as her brain processed what she was seeing. He ran towards her and pulled her into a tight hug. He could only do it with one arm, and the baby was squished between them.  
But it was real. He was real. She could feel the firmness of his body, smell the sweat and filth and blood, detect every tremor as he cried. It broke her restraint, and her eyes grew teary. She buried her face in the side of his neck.  
She pulled back enough to take Abigail from him with shaking hands. The baby fussed as she quickly checked her over. There were a few scratches, but otherwise Abigail was fine.  
“You’re alive.” She sniffed and kissed the top of the baby’s head. “You’re alive,” she repeated and held her tight. In that moment, she knew that Tyreese was right. Abigail was her daughter. That realization combined with the relief of finding them alive made her legs a little weak. Thankfully, Daryl still had his arm around her.  
  
Rick interrupted, looking hesitant. She reluctantly turned her attention to him. “Were you the one who?” He gestured in the direction of Terminus.  
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.  
“Thank you.” He stepped closer and hugged her. “Thank you.”  
Carol cleared her throat. “I have something of yours,” she told him, gesturing for them to follow.  
As she walked, Daryl stayed right next to her. He had taken his bow, but knew enough that there was no way she was going to let Abigail go. She kept the baby tucked right under her chin.  
  
Tyreese and the children were waiting outside when they reached the cabin. Rick saw Judith in Tyreese’s arms and ran to him, Carl close behind. She barely had time to register the reunion because Lizzie and Mika ran up to her, distraught.  
“Carol, he’s dead. He’s dead,” Mika exclaimed.  
“He got loose and tried to hurt Judith,” Lizzie explained.  
“Martin? Where is he?” Carol demanded.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to,” Lizzie admitted, “but he threatened Judith and us so—“  
“She shot him,” Mika admitted.  
“He threatened to kill Judith!”  
“You did the right thing. I taught you well,” Carol told them. Lizzie seemed calmer, but not entirely convinced. “It’s ok. I’m not mad at you.” She shifted Abigail to one arm and hugged Lizzie with the other. Lizzie returned it, and then moved aside so that Mika could also get a hug.  
  
The group settled into the cabin that evening. Tyreese had taken care of Martin, and Carol didn’t ask where the body had gone. Rick was with his family, Judith happily reunited with her father, and Michonne not too far from them. Tyreese was with Sasha, looking happier than she had seen him. Maggie, however, was huddled in a corner, her arms around her knees. Glenn was next to her, silent. Carol had found Hershel’s body at the prison, and Beth was not with the group. Poor Maggie had lost her entire family.  
  
“How did you do it?” Carol asked Daryl quietly.  
“Beth had her. I found them after escaping the prison,” he explained, placing one hand on her arm briefly. He kept touching her, as though needing to convince himself that she was real. “We ran. A walker was going after them both. Beth stopped it from getting Abigail.” Carol didn’t ask how. “Then I just followed the tracks.”  
She leaned up and gently kissed his cheek, not caring who saw. “Thank you.” She allowed her hand to linger on his cheek for a few moments.  
He seemed embarrassed. “Was nothing.”  
“You returned my daughter to me. That’s something,” she told him quietly  
“Daughter?”  
“Yeah. She’s mine.” Carol shifted Abigail so that she could look at her. The baby held out the duck before dropping it.  
She was hers, and she was alive and safe. They both were.  
“You sure?” Daryl asked carefully.  
Not completely. She wasn’t sure that she would ever be completely content. But when she had seen the baby, she knew that what Tyreese had said was true. She did feel like it was her daughter.  
It was different from how she felt about Sophia, but only minutely.  
“She’s not a replacement. Nothing can replace Sophia.” She smoothed the top of Abigail’s head. “But I am her mother. She’s mine.” Carol hesitated. “And she’s yours, if you want.”  
  
  
_Carol stood frozen as Daryl shouted at her. It didn’t faze her. She had heard worse things from Ed._  
_“Sophia wasn’t mine!”_  
_Carol didn’t respond. She knew that he didn’t want her to. He was obviously in pain and fighting it. In the little time she had known him, she learned that he didn’t like to feel emotions other than anger. Anything new was dangerous._  
_He had been kind to Sophia the few times he had spoken to her. He was the main one to look for her. He was more of a father to her than Ed had ever been._  
_So she knew that she would not allow him to push her away. She would help him._  
_It was easier than facing her pain._  
  
  
He tucked the duck securely between Carol and Abigail, his face thoughtful. Maybe he had changed his mind since the prison. They had all gone through so much. Maybe he didn’t want to live with the fear anymore.  
“Alright,” he answered. Carol reached out and took his hand. He didn’t hesitate to clutch it tight.  He didn’t pull away, and briefly buried his face in her shoulder. She could feel him place a small kiss, quick enough that nobody would notice.  
Across the room, Tyreese looked over at them and gave Carol a nod. She responded with a sad smile.  
“What do we do now?” Glenn asked the group.  
With Rick too busy with his newly reunited family, Michonne answered. “We rebuild. Or we find a new place. We’ll find somewhere though.”  
“We will,” Carol answered, almost believing it.  


**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Art for 'Healing'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4182906) by [raktajinos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raktajinos/pseuds/raktajinos)




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